March 8 is International Women’s Day, and I find myself pondering on this concept of setting aside a day for celebration of certain things. Why do we have to commemorate the existence of women on this earth? Is this something akin to the Save-the-Tiger project? Save the women, from circumstances and from themselves - is it?
When I was a kid nobody talked of anything like this. I did hear of a children’s day, on November 14. That’s about it. Papa only said - girls are now going ahead in life, so you should too. I never stopped to ask which way is ‘ahead’. He said - women are doing a lot of brave things, standing erect on their own feet etc. I was puzzled considering I had, since the day I started walking, always been standing on my feet. Now I realize with bitter understanding, that he spoke of economic independence.
Then as I grew up, I heard about equal opportunities. To me gradually this boiled down to picking up the tab when you are out with your boyfriend. You have the opportunity to be chivalrous, gallant, independent, hardworking and all that sort of thing. But woman? Are you a woman? What does being a woman mean in these hard times? What is the woman expected to do? Answers to such questions are elusive.
Women have started off by fighting for social rights, personal freedom to expression and equality of opportunity. Men have as usual proved they are cleverer by willing to be the less efficient lot. Carry on they say, to the women -- you are doing just great, juggling home and career, ambition and emotion, being wife, mother, daughter-in-law, working woman… Women feel good when described as adept jugglers. They never stop to think why they should be jugglers at all! Instead of talking about women’s rights, let’s just talk about human rights. Remember, we women are humans too and there is something called right to leisure? Yet back home from work it’s the man who will stretch his legs while the woman will simply put her bag down, and start making the tea for both of them. It is the woman who will think it is alone her duty to attend to the child who has suffered the working parents’absence. It is she who will bring the child some small gift hoping to make up for this absence. Which in turn will lead to the child taking the mother for granted.
A woman has to undergo many changes in her life. Some changes demand even personality modifications. A girl, once she begins to realize that she is a girl, is constantly reminded of her vulnerability. She can be taken advantage of physically. She grows up fearing molestation, rape, betrayal, whether the experiences actually take place in her life or not. First she is daughter, then wife, then mother. Each role is very different and has entirely different demands on her abilities. She continuously tries to prove equal to the roles and if she is somehow failing to live up to expectations she keeps trying to justify herself to all and sundry.
Do men have to take up this eternal juggling act? They don’t really have to. Men after all are men and can lead life on their on terms. After all they are the bread providers, no matter that the woman brings in the butter, jam or sausages to go with it. Even women excuse them saying men are like that. Forgive, forget, carry on.
It is not the woman’s physical, but emotional vulnerability that is her undoing. She is always so afraid of not having someone she can love and cherish that she is grateful to the man for simply allowing her to love him. And man forgets that all he has to do in return is love and cherish her. Love is not the spontaneous and beautiful feeling that it appears to be in the books of poetry. It is more a power game. When the woman treats the man like a slave, he is happy to serve. But when she loves him and just extends herself to his every need, he starts taking her for granted.
Is International Women’s Day a reminder that we should stop taking the role of capable and caring women, in the family and in society, for granted?
Women’s enfranchisement, women’s empowerment, women’s emancipation – they are all so many very big words. What does it all mean to someone like me who rues her abilities each living day. Since I have put myself forward and taken up responsibilities without any questions, my elders have thought nothing of loading me with as many as possible. I have very little applause for it. I can think of at least two female friends who are in similar predicaments. Independent, enfranchised and empowered women always end up doing a lot of extra work. The dependent women seem to have all the fun. Men throw themselves on top of each other to protect them and forgive them all their trespasses.
I am not saying men do not take up responsibilities. They do. And when they do so the women in their lives silently support, unnoticed. Men who cannot take up additional responsibilities in the family are normally hampered by an uncaring, obstinate wife. And the other class of men who have taken up many responsibilities are generally the life-long bachelor class. At least as far as my knowledge goes, this is the case.
Speaking of classes, there are two classes of women as well: the strong types and the pretentiously weak types. There should be an International Women’s Day for the second type – they are the ones who should be lauded for knowing what’s what. The strong types are the eternal fools, rushing in where the weaker angelic types smartly do not go!
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