I lost my father 27 years ago. I remember feeling completely blank. No fear. No sorrow. No self pity. It must be some form of denial because now I do realise that I never got over that death. Everytime I am faced with some crisis I dream of him. I wake up and try to interpret the dream looking for some hidden message from the beyond where he is now maybe.
I have lost my mother too though she is not dead. She still inhales and exhales in an existence which should not be the lot of any human being. Death is more dignified. Somehow I feel responsible for the situation. It can't be that I can not do anything about it. Everytime I visit her I come back with a sense of guilt. It cannot be alright to accept this indignity and neglect meted out to a person. Relationships apart she is above all a human being just like all of us.
Can we deny her the minimum respect and leave her totally in the hands of caregivers who are but caregivers only in name?
Why should this have happened to a person who cared for her family with all her heart? Why didn't her caring and nurturing breed care and concern in other hearts? Why are my hands tied though I wish and wish that I could rescue her from this ignominy? Sometimes I pray for her actual death and release from this terrible existence. Don't know if that's the right thing to do. But seeing that I am already a sinner I might as well ask for expiation. Her death would be my release from the burden of my guilt. I hope God and my father are listening.