Complexities

I am so exhausted, I have the ability to neither feel joy nor sorrow. Just a kind of bitterness spreads through my being. Certain recent happenings at the workplace got me a good deal upset. The faces of some colleagues filled me with disgust before it all lapsed into indifference. When I make a mistake, I cannot forgive myself. I cannot rest till I have set it all right. When you are dealing with a responsibility you have one perspective of it. No one else is supposed to understand how you are feeling about it. But cannot people refrain from commenting on the situation? Cannot educated people be expected to not add to other's troubles if they can do nothing to lessen them? That is the lack in most people. They never can empathize. They can only judge and feel superior. Some sort of complex I guess. Anyway, I hope I have seen the last of this present problem and hope it is resolved. But  it is a very unsettling thing to know that one must work with people who will never be able to see beyond their own selves and conveniences.

Too bad

When I started this blog I thought I would be frequently sitting at the PC creating new and newer posts. Such is the irony, I have ended up facing my debilitated imagination. This aridity of the mind is most unsettling.

Break free

Positive thinking and gratitude for all that one has received in life. These are the two things that according to Rhonda Byrne can change our lives for the better. I have always said thank you for things received. Maybe not listing them as Byrne suggests. But positive thinking has not been possible always. Doubts creep in unbidden pushing me towards negativity. But a conscious effort toward positivism could be made. Now is the time. Life has come a long way. Too long have I lived with the pain of broken illusions. Now is the time to break free.

Oh! To be able to read!

Its been a long time since I blogged. Most of the time the mind is empty of thoughts. Only a fresh list of things to do hovers in the mind, day and night. Like an automaton I go through the waking hours of my life. Sleep is like a drifting into an unconscious state. This can't carry on.

Though there's been one important development. For the first time, after maybe two-three years, I have actually read a book to its end. The Immortals of Meluha. I liked the book, with its mix of myth and allegory. I intend to read the next one too, the one about the Nagas.

Why I consider this as an important development is that in recent times I seemed to have lost the concentration required to read a book. In fact, in the last 12-13 years, I may have read only a handful of books, whereas earlier I could finish a book in seven days and move on to the next one soon after. I would buy books unendingly. Reading was once my all-consuming passion. Then, in the last 16 years the mundane realities of daily existence so engrossed my mind that I forgot what it was to relax. Such was my state that if I was sitting idle, an alarm would go off in my mind telling me that perhaps I had forgotten to do something. I am not much better off now. Even as I am writing this, my thoughts have abandoned me.