Emancipation reviewed

I am a woman and I am scared of emancipation. I have seen women’s emancipation up close and in its very limiting forms too. As a child when my father encouraged me to study and develop into an educated and independent person, I thought it was a good idea. I thought I would never have to beg or borrow. I would always be able to do things on my own steam. I thought being independent, and therefore being one who could be depended upon, was a major achievement. Now I realize it has a flip side. If you are independent you are not allowed your moments of weakness. You are rather made to feel inadequate because of them. Again you have to face the jealousies of less independent humans who try to make things difficult for you. They want you to prove time and gain how strong you are. Sometimes your own self stops you from asking for help, even if it would be the most sensible thing to do under the circumstances. Emancipation is one long struggle. It’s a journey without an end.

A little before my 25^th birthday I lost my father. My post graduation exam results were not yet announced. I was not sure of what I would do with my life. I was confident that with two elder brothers I would not be left floundering. All I had to do was to start thinking for myself and put my life on a definite track. Ma and her grief at her being left a widow struck me deep. I appointed myself her protector, stepping in where my father had vacated. In my innocence I didn’t realize that this was not possible. I could never fill up that vacancy. I should have gone on tying the loose ends in my own life as my brothers did. They moved on. I got stuck with my self-proclaimed responsibilities. I came off with flying colours in my post-grad. I got a chance to pursue research, being awarded a fellowship at JU. Then things began to sour in our lives. One by one my brothers got married and domestic peace was shattered more than once. I stood by my mother till I finally gave up my research and hopes of a PhD in literature, found a job, bought a flat and separated myself from the family, ma in tow. Then began the alienation which has been a part of my existence since. My brothers no longer care whether I am ok or not. To be quite fair, my elder sister who was married before my father’s death still feels something for me. We keep in touch and affection is very much a part of our relationship. But my brothers never forgave me because ma came away with me when I moved out on my own.

But my question is: is this kind of alienation a part of emancipation? Emancipation didn’t do much for me when I married either. After almost two years of living on my own terms the marriage bug bit me. I felt I had met the man who was the answer to all the questions asked and yet unasked. My parents-in-law were never very happy about my being a working mother. They therefore did not cooperate with the bringing up of my only daughter. But I bent myself backwards to prove to my husband and his parents that my economic independence would never be to their detriment. I just wanted to help and at the same time ensure a better life for my daughter and myself. My husband understood, but rather late in the day. Many things have gone awry in the interim. Some things can never be set right. The stress of these years has eroded my sense of humour and I am not the person I used to be. My daughter, now 11 years old, sees before her only a half hearted person, who is often gloomy or irritated. She avoids me when she sees me in one of my bad moods. Often I snap at her when a gentle chiding would have been enough. Maybe I expect her to be more sensitive to circumstances than her young mind can be.

The circumstances are not conducive to an easy carefree childhood. In our rather small apartment, we are now five. My mother-in-law (my father-in-law passed away seven years ago), my mother (who could not find a home with either of her two sons) and the three of us. The child practically screams for youthful companionship and sometimes for a bit of privacy to deal with her new sense of self. My husband and I must go out to earn and can provide her very little companionship. And what little time we do have, does not always pass in activities the child would prefer. She is mostly faced with a scene comprising two very old women watching television in a very statue-like manner. They hardly talk to her or spend time with her. She expects less and less from them and she is angry with me for doing this to her. A rather complex situation and this because I was emancipated, and took on responsibilities on the strength of my emancipated self.

I don’t know if our less emancipated mothers and grandmothers were less happy than us because their lives began and ended within fixed boundaries. They didn’t aspire so much, or think in terms of economic independence. All I can see is that we emancipated women need sleeping pills, anti-stress medication and hair dye much sooner than they did.

There’s more to this. Emancipation of women has led them along all kinds of paths. Today’s woman can opt out of constricting relationships, can refuse to take care of an aged mother-in-law and say she has the right to live her own life. Today’s woman can use her charms and wiles in the professional field and appear to do more than she is actually doing. Today’s woman can think she is doing a very daring thing by being photographed in next to nothing. Why should a woman feel that she has to show off her body just because she is lucky enough to have a better one than most other women? These are things that often come to mind and then I wonder if all this is part of emancipation. Those who authored the concept of the liberated woman must have had other things on mind.

On a very preliminary level they must have thought in terms of equal enjoyment by men and women of the fundamental rights of existence. What then are these fundamental rights of existence? To my mind, these are the right to live a dignified life, understanding and being understood, having the scope for using inherent talents, using one’s intellect and imagination freely but not to the detriment of other humans, loving and being loved. I guess it’s hard to put the thing in a nutshell. One of the basic natural principles is freedom, and emancipation is obtaining that freedom while remembering all the while that freedom is not an avoidance of duties and responsibilities. I tried to live by these principles. Did I do wrong? If I am right then why is my circle of well-wishers so depleted?